The Big Three-Oh!

Well I completed my 30th year of breathing today. Of course such a monumental occasion makes one contemplative of their life. Hmmm... so let's see, professional things are good (maybe more on that later), family life is great. I have 3 perfect little boys, and I am in love with Jenny more than ever! Spiritually... that one is a bit tougher. Either I am closer to God than I have ever been or further than ever. To say that I have gone through a sort of spiritual paradigm shift over the last year and a half would be an understatement. While the essentials of my faith have stayed the same, I have taken a critical look at nearly all of the beliefs that I have embraced for the last 20 some years, and changed many of them to one degree or another. Some of these new beliefs have left me at odds with the majority of mainline Christianity.

At times this growth has been fun and exciting and other times it has been remarkably painful. Last night was one of the painful times. I meet with a group of Eastern Orthodox guys on Monday nights. As the only "Protestant" (I don't really like that term b/c I am not protesting anything) in the group they normally know what to expect from me. Of course I am not going to agree with praying to saints, venerating Mary, or submitting to the Eastern Orthodox hierarchy (limited though it may be), but last night I surprised them. Last night against my will, and better judgment, I espoused an idea that not only went against the Orthodox Church but most of evangelicalism today. And although all of these friends were earnest and polite in their discussion of this issue I still couldn't help but feeling beat up, defeated and heretical when I got home. It was bad enough that two of them had to call me directly afterward to make sure, first that I was okay and second, to further express their concern.

Even if I am very wrong, this could be a good experience, right? I once heard someone say that everyone should be involved in a heresy at one point or another in their life that is so great that they will forever be more forgiving and gracious to others (or something like that). Still it is hard to be in the minority. It is hard to have everyone around you think you are crazy. It is hard to not have the majority of Christian thought or Christian history to fall back on. There is great safety in numbers. On this point I envy my Orthodox friends. It seems very comforting to say "this is the way things have always been and greater men than I have already made a decision on this issue so who am I to question it."

I suppose in some small microscopic way this is how Peter and the Apostles felt when they declared that Christ had risen, or how Paul felt when he completely reversed course and started preaching the Gospel that he had persecuted, or Martin Luther when he nailed his points to the Church door. On the other hand this is probably how all of the "great" heretics of history felt too. Is the only thing that separated them from the great champions of the faith that they were wrong?

Anyway, I am going to try to forget about this for now and start enjoying my birthday, I have taken the day off work and we are going to go eat lunch now.

Have a happy tax day :-)